Female Safety in Today's World

By Tracy Warrener                                                      

Female safety has been a topic for years. There have been countless courses, seminars dedicated to this topic, often ran by martial artists, law enforcement personnel and personal safety experts. Many of these programs teach very good techniques and provide useful information when it comes to teaching self defence for females. Having taught such programs myself, I always tell my students that one of the first things a person must learn is the facts, followed by Mind Self Defence and then actual Physical Self Defence. Understanding and learning about all of these will outline for a person why it is necessary, how to be aware and use your mind to help prevent it from happening and lastly, how to defend yourself if it does happen.

There are many statistics world wide about women who are abused, sexually assaulted, physically assaulted and murdered. It is not a new problem. Women have been fighting to protect themselves for centuries. Here are a few statistics from The World Health Organization regarding this:

“Global estimates published by WHO indicate that about 1 in 3 (35%) women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime, Most of this violence is intimate partner violence. Worldwide, almost one third (30%) of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime,“Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by a male intimate partner.”

Just think about these numbers for a second.. How many people reading this right now are part of a statistic such as this OR know someone close to you that is? It’s a harsh reality and one we need to educate ourselves about. These are only a small amount of the statistics out there. So what can women do to help secure their safety in today’s world? There are many different ways to help reduce the chance of becoming another statistic, one of which is to learn how to defend yourself.

Learning how to defend yourself starts first with ‘Mind Self Defence’. This is the most important part of protecting ourselves, not only from a violence against women point of view, but understanding how powerful our mind can be in our well-being. This includes : the way we carry ourselves and how we project our energy out into the world, being aware of yourself, and the outside environment, using common sense tips, listening to our own inner voice. If something doesn’t feel right about a person or a situation, to listen to that voice and then having the courage to stand up and speak up for ourselves. It’s educating ourselves to what we as women need to know, in order to be stronger, and confident in our lives in all areas.

What is Confidence?? The dictionary defines Confidence as trust or faith in a person or thing. What more important person or thing than yourself?? The most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself. Doing things that build your confidence are key. Learning a new sport, activity, martial arts or setting a goal and achieving it are just a few ideas.

What does strength mean?? Its definition is intellectual or moral force and also the power to resist attack.

These two words are very important in understanding mind self defense. In martial arts, we teach students that the highest level of self-defense is “ don’t be there”. Physical self-defense is also very important and it takes time to develop. Continued training in a martial art or self-defense is key. Using mind self defense can help prevent many situations before they ever get physical.

Educating ourselves about the facts is key. Violence happens. It happens to both men and women. However an overwhelming rate is against women. Understanding what is considered ‘Violence’, the different types of assault and who abuses/attacks and who is a potential victim can help you potentially prevent dangerous situations by recognizing the signs.

Types of assaults:

Physical abuse: Slapping, choking, or punching, kicking. Using hands or objects as weapons.

Threatening or using a weapon such as a knife or gun

Sexual abuse: Using threats, intimidation, or physical force, leading to forced unwanted sexual acts.

Emotional or verbal abuse: Making degrading comments about her body or behaviour. Forcing a person to commit degrading acts. Confining them to the house. Destroying their possessions. Threatening to kill them or their children. Threatening to commit suicide.

Financial abuse: Stealing or controlling their money or valuables – a particular concern to older women). Forcing a woman to work or denying her the right to work through force.

Spiritual abuse: Using a person’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate, dominate,and control them.

Criminal harassment/stalking: Following a person or watching them in a persistent, malicious,and unwanted manner. Invading their privacy in a way that threatens their personal safety.

These types of abuse are typically when the attacker is known to the victim. Usually an intimate partner. Understanding that an abuser such as this can also be other people in a victim’s personal circle.

A common trend that some abusers use is something called ‘grooming’ and is usually towards a young person over a period of time. It can be a teacher, coach neighbour, or anyone who takes the young person under their wing- so to speak. They try to gain the young person’s trust by extending a special friendship and privileges, gifts, being a sympathetic ear to listen and make it seem as no one else understands but them. Once they have gained the young person’s trust and friendship,they start introducing perhaps pornography or other inappropriate sexual content. From fantasy, they move onto to a fear stage- threatening the young person with revealing the child’s secrets to their friends or parents, threatening their life or someone close to them if the child tells. This ultimately leads to sexual and physical abuse. This is something that parents and young people should know. Educate your kids about ‘boundaries’ in such examples and encourage them to trust their gut when something doesn’t feel right. Also teach them that not all teachers coaches or people in this position have these motives. As long as they understand boundaries,and know to trust their gut and to be able to discuss their feelings with you. Also, parents get to know these people who take your child undertheir wing.. Ask questions be involved. Keep your children close! There are real good people out there who genuinely want to help young people and be there for them. But like in all situations,there are some that don’t have a young person’s best interest at heart.

Another type of assault on women, is one that the attacker and victim do not know each other well or at all. Often this involves both the Sexual and Physical Assault. Understanding and recognizing stages of both are important. These stages are: gaining control Visually, Verbally, Physical space, Sexual assault and lastly Physical Assault. Each of these stages can happen whether an attacker is known to the victim or not. The purpose is the same- to gain control of a victim. Each stage they succeed at increases their confidence in gaining the control.

Learning about the different types of abuse, the different circumstances surrounding an attack, the stages of an attack as well as common sense tips are all part of minds self defense. We all know about some of the common sense safety tips. If you do not, then here are just a few of many you can learn about.

When we are at home, we often let our guards down. However, remembering little things such as Locking your door, careful of open windows, keeping your key fab with you in evening in case you need to trigger the alarm, don’t adveritse if you live alone are all some ways to prevent any type of crime from happening.

In our car, we are usually focused on getting to where we need to go, in a hurry and not focused on our safety. Getting in the habit of locking your car doors,checking under car and in the back seat BEFORE getting into car,being mindful of where you park your car and think about when you will be coming back to it (i.e. night time.), make sure you park somewhere close to front door, populated area, not near bushes or obstructive view points

Being outside running or walking is a very important time to be aware. A few very important things to remember are: use the buddy system, bring your dog or a friends dog,tell someone where you are going,don’t walk or run late at night,walk in well populated areas,be very mindful when using IPODs for listening to music, have volume low or with one ear bud in so you can be aware of your surroundings,talking on a cell phone can distract you.. keep it short and sweet and stop what you are doing. You can’t run/walk, have a detailed conversation , be aware of traffic and of your surroundings all safely. Learn to always have something you carry with you such as key to use in case you need to defend yourself

Social media and online dating

This is a very common one in today’s world. Make sure to be careful how much information you give out to strangers. If you are going on a date,tell someone where you are going and with whom -give the complete name of the person you are going on a date with. Do not advertise on Facebook or twitter etc when you are not home, or home alone, or away on holidays.

College/ University Life

Remember, it CAN happen to you.. too many young women ignore this fact and think that they are invincible. COMMUNICATE with your family regularly and friends, let them know where you are going, whom you are with, what classes you have and where, remember its not about parents not trusting or treating you like a child, its about avoidance and safety. Use the GIRLFRIEND system- have a group of girlfriends whom you communicate with daily so that each of you knows where the others are at all times.Never go or leave a party alone and be careful of your drinks. LOCK YOUR DORM DOORS!!! Or any other common are door. Make sure your roommates follow this.It is an EXTREMELY important thing to do to prevent unwanted people in your personel space. Carry your keys with you at all times,Be aware of your surroundings when traveling to and from classes, use campus security to walk you from place to place- and tell a friend.

Out and about in general

Remember, don’t advertise your personal information visibly, be aware at check out lines when you open your wallet- that personal ID isn’t showing and visible to person behind you and always carry something in your hands incase you need to defend yourself.

Safety and awareness tips within intimate relationships

It is important to understand what behaviour is abusive. These include name calling, controlling where and whom you go out with, cutting you off from your family and friends,controlling your money, excessive drinking or drug use, be wary of comments like ‘ you make me do this ,or ‘its your fault, ‘ threatening you,physically hitting, smacking,pulling hair, punching, sexual assault any forced sexual act, with holding love or sympathy, intimidation, extreme jealousy,destroying property, threatening to commit suicide, making fun of a person’s spiritual beliefs, preventing them from participating in extra functions. These are all some forms of abuse. Trusting your gut feeling is key. Knowing that this behaviour is NOT normal or acceptable and most importantly, is not your fault and that help is available. Communicate with friends and family about this,don’t suffer alone

Physical Self-defense

Self-defense is defined as “ as much force you need to do to protect yourself, property or loved one.” Always try and keep a save distance between you and whom ever your around- especially in a stranger type situation. Know that there are different levels of physical self-defense, innocent as someone at a party coming up and trying to take your hand and lead you somewhere to talk to full blown physically or sexually assaulting you. Knowing how to read and react to each situation is SO important.

If you need to defend yourself remember the following:

Remain calm,

KISS Method keep it simple silly

Act quickly

Enrolling in a martial art program, self defense program will help to train your body and mind awareness, teach you valuable self defense techniques and give you confidence in knowing that you can protect yourself, if needed.

To conclude, There is no quick answer when it comes to our safety. Knowledge, awareness, avoidance, and education in both mind self-defense and physical self defense are all part of the formula in becoming a confident,strong and safe woman in today’s world. Trusting our own inner voice about a situation and NEVER dismissing it. It will guide you. Believing in yourself, have the courage to stand up for yourself, protect yourself in all ways- is your right and is your responsibility. Educating your children- girls and boys a like ,as to what is acceptable behaviour and what isn’t. From both sides of the equation. Understanding that by coming forward if you are in a situation such as the ones we’ve discussed, is such a sign strength and courage. Help is available to you and you are not alone. Standing up for survivors of assault, through signing petitions against stricter sentencing against such crimes against women,supporting worthwhile causes which empower our young girls and women to Look Strong, Act Strong and Be Strong in a world that can be very difficult at times are all ways that you can protect yourself and your loved ones.

Tracy Warrener has been fortunate to have been raised within the Martial Arts since the age of 4 years old and is a 4th Degree Black Belt in Goju Ryu Karate. She has had the opportunity to study with some amazing Martial Artists. Sensei Richard Kim, Sensei Peter Urban, Professor Don Jacob, Sensei Jim Wilson, Professor Wally Jay, just to name several. Of course her main Sensei is her father, Sensei Don Warrener. Throughout the 40 plus years of her involvement in the Martial Arts, she has worked her way from being a student of the martial arts to a Martial Arts Sensei ,teaching hundreds of students. She has ran and managed martial arts schools teaching students of all ages, worked within the community teaching at fitness centres, schools, businesses and Women’s Shelters, the benefits of Karate. One the causes close to her heart is teaching and empowering young girls and women the importance of self defence and awareness. Her program called Look Strong! Act Strong! Be Strong! focuses on easy self defence techniques and mind self defence techniques. In 2013 she was awarded The Silver Lifetime Achievement Award in the Masters of the Martial Arts Hall of Fame in California for her contribution to Women in the Martial Arts. She is also a Certified Reflexologist and Reiki Master. She has starred in three of her own DVDs produced by Rising Sun Productions on Reiki, Reflexology and her Look Strong ,Act Strong ,Be Strong Self Defence Program. tracy.warrenerentertainment@gmail.com

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